The Wilderness

It has been 3 months since I got myself dressed for a nine to five job. It has been a situation that I am learning to cope with and at times I feel like I'm in the wilderness and my rain will not come.

This situation is not new to me as I have trod this path some years ago, fresh out of college and my first child (Loan Bureau) was really demanding of me to give it some attention....and whoosp its back!

But, lately i read an article on boundless.org-Still praying in the wilderness and it speaks to me. No matter how hard it will get and will get hard and seem hopeless, God doesn't leave us in the wilderness forever. When i read that i was relieved....i knew that....I go to church and I read my Bible, I listen to sermons preached that God will make a way....but yet i still had a doubt in the back of my mind.

The first month was ok, i interacted with my friends and family and I was so enthused, geared up that some rain will come my way. I even spoke to my Father above making a request that I don't want this wilderness to last no later than May.....now we are in May and self pity is creeping in . But the second month was a month of disappointments.....but i have cremated not embalmed those disappointments. I am not going to anxious about anything from now on.......(why am I not putting what the Bible says about not being anxious in practice.....)

However, I have friends, family and my special person in my life as my major cheerleaders cheering me on that things will get better. So coincidentally, i'm here preparing a script for a church play this week -Standing the Midst of Crisis- and i stumbled upon this article

"Dealing with Job loss as a Christian" which gives some advice that I knew all a long and failed to do:

How do we keep a good perspective while dealing with job loss?

• Help the needy - Often we get caught up in our own trials and we forget the misfortunes of others. One way to lighten the blow of job loss is to focus on the less fortunate.
  
  
• Spend time in prayer and Bible study - This is a great approach to staying true to your Christian values in times of need. Relying on the Holy Spirit to provide for you can renew your soul, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day" (2 Corinthians 4:16). Listen for God's direction. He will direct your steps.
  
  
• Give to others - It often seems ludicrous to give when you are in need, but God blesses a sacrificial giver. "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you" (Luke 6:38)
  
  
• Spend time with your family - Renewing relationship will give you a sense of connection and peace.
  
  
• Attend church regularly - Fellowshipping with other believers keeps us optimistic. You might just make a contact too!
  
  
• Be proactive in searching for another job.
  
  
• Take joy and rejoice in the Lord.
• Let me add my one ......encourage myself that this will not last ....rain will come.

Mark you, I am doing ALL these things but SELF PITY just keeps gearing its ugly head...which makes me feel like the odd girl among my friends. WHy? i hate when I go to settings and the first thing people ask you is :What do you do for a living? I just shrink in my soles of my feet and please don't ask me......but it comes up.

It seems that much of our worth is wrapped up in the work we do. Our job becomes our identity - who we are. What we do becomes what we value! When we lose a job or are faced with a career change, we often feel we've lost our worth.

But i will no more succumb to SELF PITY, I will be going out more and regroup myself and work on it .....

When I'm down, I read Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

Decisions

It's almost the end of 2010 and in a few weeks i will be 25 years. What have a achieved this year?

1. I am alive

2. I changed my job

3. I now have a man who loves me for me

4. and i have my family and friends around

5. a part of a service club

6. more involved in church

those are all the things i can think of now. But I thank God for keeping throughout all the stress, heartache and sweat these past years. I have BIG decisions to make the upcoming year and beyond. I'll be no more 24 or feel like 16 anymore, adulthood will finally sink in. I do hope to achieve my goals and not be mediocre. I have BIG dreams and a lot of ambition. It's hard at times, I cry, pray and even talk to myself sometimes. But we all do that at times right? I figured much.

As 2011 approach i don't want to make NO resolutions, but rather attainable short and long term goals that will make me happy and set for the years to come.

1. lose this weight

2. start my MA

3. learn how to drive -finally!

4. then i can own a car (mobility is the key in this job market)

5. travel and see other culture

6. Be more positive despite the disappointments

Pray on.

My Inspiration

Follow your dreams;plan;implement; and network--"Audrey Marks"

FIRST TIME was great!

It was the first time, i was participating in this type of activity. I was scared at first, not knowing what it is about, i often watch it on television, with the many spectators. this activity is quite interesting and fun and a very good exercise. The first time was indeed great!, as i hit the ball further than any first timer. they say golf is boring (including myself at times) but i experience the sport for the first time on Thursday on a lush green course of all 18 holes. I walked until my legs were sore. I hit the ball with the clubs and it felt really good.

but i couldn't go any further after i finished the 4th hole. they say i have a natural talent, so i think i will tap into it and play this 'rich man sport' and may be i'll take it up as a past time.

So the next time, i hear one saying golf does nothing for you, that's aint true....this morning, i couldnt even get up out of bed, even now i am sore writing this blog.

oh well later......

Shame on your PNP!

Since the recent incursion in Tivolo Gardens on May 24, Jamaicans were saddened by the loss of lives, and was relieved that once and for all of the criminal bondage the country was facing.

This type of militia effort made criminals crumbled, scurried to other areas of the island in fear that their short successful life would be no more, which JAMAICA was appreciate! No more guns on the streets, the officers were in charge of the State. Despite the State of Emergency being in effect in various communities across the island, it was welcomed as now we have to fear our lives even more.

Now that the State of Emergency will be lifted, i am wondering why the PNP shun the idea of having it extended? they have no interests whatsoever of the people of Jamaica at heart. I have siblings who want to have peaceful Jamaica and i for one thought this state of Emergency was a crime fighting initiative of the JCF, because mark you they were not in control for the many years when the country was bleeding bloody with the amount of innocent/criminial dieing each month. It is uncalled for PNP! i wanted it to be extended and get rid of the criminals who are heading like spiders at the various cobby holes of the ceiling.

but the PNP is afraid and power hungry to get back the throne to further sink JAMAICA in hot oil, after we were trying to emerge from it.

I am not pleased and i think most Jamaicans aren't either. No government is perfect, but this decision from the Opposition had me thinking , do they really want to fight crime?

Let's keep praying JA!

Turning back the clock

Oh when I was 16 i wanted t grow up and be an adult
Today, Tuesday July 20, 2010 was a day i wanted to sink to the very core of the earth
i was hoping today would be different,but i guess the adversities in life just kept on coming.

i barely reached work on time(being warned by HR of my tardiness), despite getting up earlier
The traffic on the Portmore Toll road is unbearable! why did they have to repair the roads and cram us into 2 lanes, we can touch mirrors by hand. Jeez! Hurry up man!

it irks the dickens out of me
bumper to bumper, watching every move the minute hand makes on my watch

I got through the day of work, Thank God! i slept on a bus, almost passed my stop! i haven't done that in awhile.

but my surprise was waiting for me at home
i got the bills for the month; Light which just keep on increasing, despite the energy saving techniques i do, the water bill and the list goes on

and instead of them going down they just keep on rising
then my 16 birthday flashed across my mind,
why couldn't i have stayed 16 a bit longer, adulthood is just crappy, full of stress

discover card

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